If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
- Only if he has to much to much saki before hand.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
- Dutchmen were called 'Holes' before the Pope in the Vatican kicked up a fuss when they were refered to as 'Holey-men'.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- I know I did.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
- The word 'broker' has Spanish origins, alboroque, meaning 'ceremonial gift at conclusion of business deal'. e.g., while they are making you money, they get a 'little gift' along the way.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
- Have you ever seen a One Nation supporter playing a piano?

What is the difference between a slim chance and a fat chance?
- From Old England when milk demand was high, so getting your milk was a problem. The chance of getting slim milk and the chance of getting normal [fat] milk was known as slim chance and fat chance.

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
- Wise men were from biblical times and prefered to freely give away gifts to any new-born they saw at Christmas time, whereas Wise guys were from America and prefered to sit on their ass all day and watch repeats of 'The 3 Stoogers' and so called named by the famous line 'Wise guys ,eh ?'. The Differences are quite obvious.

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
- The two words overlook and oversee did have the same meaning [supervise] until the 1870's when many construction site supervisors were turning blind eyes to malpractice on the site which risked their job. These fore-men were then known as 'over-lookers' while the remaining men were known as the 'over-seers' where from today's meanings evolved.

If horrific means horrible, does terrific mean terrible?
- Erm, yes it does. Both words terrific and terrible come from the same latin word, terrere, which means frighten.

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety-one?
- Onety-one became redundant when the wristwatch became widely popular. The word 'eleven' was introduced to help the confusion when asked the time by another person, 11 o'clock or 'onety-one' was always misunderstood as 'one to one'.

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as 4s?
- Quite by coincidence, the IVs [intravenous drip] used then were very similar this modern day and the length of delivery tube to the vein was four feet.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
- And I dare say porn stars are denuded, wine makers are deported, portrait artists are defaced and hens are delayed.

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
- And why does sour cream have a use-by date ?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
- "Humans!"

If you mixed vodka & orange juice with milk of magnesia, would you get a Philip's Screw Driver?
- I dunno, but if you had too many, you'd vomit half back up and the other half out the rear end !!!

If a pig loses his voice, is it disgruntled?
- If a pig has lost its voice, it would have therefore been slaughtered. I think being disgruntled would be the last thing on its mind.

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
- Although the average marriage length has fallen over the last century, it is still a lot longer than just saying 'I am".

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Because men may be blind when it comes to love, but they know what's underneath it.

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?
- A nightgown is a loose ungergarment which women wear to bed. I should hope no female wishes to go out in her nightgown [or maybe I should be hoping]

Why do they say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
- Term usually only used by junkies, where, they are in a coma are said to be 'out of whack'. A second term coined by the junkies has a more literal meaning where 'whack', which of course means - hit. 'Out of whack' was also out of drugs.

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
- This was all part of the government's harsh "50% Two Cent Thought Tax" where after you have given your two cents, the recipient must then remit 50% [one cent] to the tax department before the end of the month.

If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter?
- Only say, if another cat came upto it in the street, did it's business on its head, covered it with some gravel, and then some-one chased you down to tell you to change it more often because it still stinks.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
- Erm... blue.

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
- Although the radio station owners find it cheaper not to, seeing people know its after midday, some stations still can be found and listened to safely.

What do people in China call their good plates?
- Roughly, it translates to "a luxury"

What do you call a male ladybird?
- Mr. Ladybird.

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
- Most say 'none', but the modest ones say 'transparent'.

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
- Erm... dogs.

Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
- So the dead person's lawyer cannot sue the State for negligence.

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
- Erm... it does.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
- The liberationists and greenies would be up in arms over the culling of poor, defenceless tourists.

Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
- I would imagine that I wouldn't have to see a psychiatrist.

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
- Special underground cave networks that only classified people are allowed to know about.

If the 7 11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have locks on the door?
- For when it closes every 4 years on Feb. 29, the 366 day in a leap year.

If a fire-fighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?
- Erm... freedom.

If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
- Of course, they only very gently squeeze them.

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
- The sheep themselves do not shrink, but the wool fibres on them shrink up to 10%.

What do chickens think we taste like?
- Firstly, they wonder how to get us in the oven.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
- Swatters were not invented until post-biblical times.

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
- Back in the days of alcohol prohibition, some retailers found a loop-hole in the law. The found it was not illegal to sell liquor if it was to only be drunk in the vehicle whilst stationery, where they needed proof that the buyer did own a car by having them show their licence. The tradition remains today.

Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?
- We all know dead bodies in orange floaties are easier to see than dead bodies under parachutes.

Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
- They used to sell guns, but they were considered dangerous. Go figure.

Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
- Both words have evloved over their years of use. Bra, of course, short for 'brassiere' is actually plural [from Latin 'clothing hard to get off in dark by male']. Whereas, panties is a more feminine word for 'pant' which is singular [from Latin 'male breathing heavy, as she hasn't got them off yet']

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
- Would you want to fly in a big, black, rectangular box which taped each conversation you had during your flight and could only be opened by special secret-service agents ?

If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
- The particles of light, or 'photons' they are called, are so abrasive at that as they slow down and you continue your speed, it wears away at your car until of course, you crash and die.

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
- Erm... in case the blind person is behind in the back seat.

Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
- 'Shipment' by car was coined when people carting goods by car on a ferry was still called by ship, even when it reached land, to tell where it came from. Ship's 'cargo' is from the French when the primary use of boats in France was to ship snails for consumption [or as its called 'escargot'].

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
- "What the fuck am I doing out of the plane ???"

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
- 'Apartments' were first built in the 1700's by the Scots, where they were apart from each other in the rural country areas, some up to 3 miles apart. But fashionable Scots found moving them into cities required them to be built next to each other.

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
- If you are the minority in the Congress, it certainly would.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
- Terminal is Latin for 'boundary', which is only a reference to the perimeter fence around to airport to stop way-ward car-drivers getting on the runway.

If nothing sticks to teflon, how does it stick to the pan?
- Only the top surface of the 'Teflon' is non-stick, which is why the workers in the factory have to be very careful putting the Teflon on the pan.

If you tickled a cow, would milk come out of its' nose?
- No. Only snot out its nose and a kick in your groin is all you will get.

Last modified: Wednesday, 30 July 2003.